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Quotes by John Alejandro King a.k.a. The Covert Comic

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Adversary Intelligence SystemsThe most adversarial adversary intelligence system is always one's own.
Agent-in-placeAgent-in-place? Your place or mine?
AnalysisSecret 205. One intelligence analyst's Analytic Outreach is another's nonconsensual groping.
Ascending SpiralEverybody line up and form an ascending spiral.
AughtWe ought not let aught be for naught.
BeerThe United States contains 5% of the world's population, yet uses 24% of the world's energy. On the other hand, the US produces 20% of the world's beer, but consumes only 12.8%. So it's not like the US isn't sharing.
Being MeNobody knows how it feels to be me, except it.
Big PictureEverybody wants to see the big picture. Nobody wants to smell the big scratch-and-sniff.
CensorshipRedact, or be redacted.
CIAUnderhead reconnaissance is the greater INT by far.
Common GroundWhen you reach common ground, check to make sure you're not sinking.
ComputersThe difference between friends and computers: friends ask first if they can hang and crash.
Cultural AppropriationI'd criticize cultural appropriation, but that would require my appropriating a culture of criticism.
Data MiningThe analytical challenges of data mining are manageable, provided proper safety equipment is worn.
DetailsWilliam Feather said 'Beware of the man who won't be bothered with details,' though he didn't offer specifics.
EthicsI am partial to no vested interests. Give me lingeried interests every time.
FleetingnessFleetingness is here to stay.
FoodOur relationship with food in large part defines us – or at least it defines our large parts.
Gender FluidityAccording to science, gender fluidity, if it's hot enough, can transform into a gender gas!
GodIf God plays dice with the universe, who's the house?
Hard TargetsThe hardness is the target.
HistoryIt must have been fun being the first humans, setting all those new world records every day.
IndecisionDecisiveness may be flexible – indecision, never.
Intelligence TestsAn intelligence test measures one's ability to get out of having to take it.
InternetJust kidding – actually I *am* a robot.
It's All GoodIt's all good, where 'it' ∈ {N | N = nonlethal}.
KISS PrincipleWhoever put the second S in the KISS principle added 33% needless complexity.
Law of Scary LawsThe Law of Scary Laws: For any behavior, policy or belief X, one's personal disapproval of X can be expressed as a scary law of the form: 'Those who fail to stand up to X will sooner or later find themselves at X's feet.'
LyingIt can't be *pathological* lying if it preserves your health.
MaskirovkaSecret 0.831. Any Russian definition of maskirovka is an instance of it.
MoralityUpon our nation's moral fiber depends our nation's moral regularity.
MotivationalIt takes less time to kill all the people who say 'It takes less time to do a thing right than to explain why you did it wrong' than to explain why you only wounded some of them.
National SecurityNational security threat (n.) National security.
NatureI practice a back-to-nature lifestyle. The farther behind my back nature is, the better.
Occupy Wall StreetThe Occupy Wall Street movement faltered when activists realized that traders were quite busy already.
OpportunityDon't say 'problem,' say 'opportunity' – it's way scarier.
Over the TopBetter over the top than under the bottom.
PolicymakersA policymaker is a National Intelligence Estimate's way of making another National Intelligence Estimate.
PowerI googled the quote 'Power means not having to respond.' Nothing happened.
QuotationsIf an anthology of quotations is a museum of utterances, the most illuminating will tend to be of the Mütter variety.
ReadingI never move my lips when I'm reading. But sometimes what I'm reading moves my lips.
Safe HouseWhat good is a safe house if the sidewalk's dangerous?
Secret ServiceThe Papal Swiss Guard is like the US Secret Service, only more conservatively dressed.
Security ClearancesJesus doesn't have security clearances. Jesus *is* security clearances.
SeeingSeeing is be leaving.
SoulWe insist our soul is not for sale – as if the owner would tell us.
SpooksplainSpooksplain v. To explain a classified topic to someone, and having told them, to be required to kill them.
Stop Me If YouActually, I haven't heard this one before, but I think I'll go ahead and stop you anyway.
StrategySecret 29918191. Divide and conquer. Unite and divide.
SurveillanceThe more everyone knows about what everyone is doing, the more what everyone is doing is about knowing this.
SurveillanceI disagree with what you think, but as long as you don't disable your remote neural oscillation monitoring port, I shall defend to the death your right to think it.
SurvivingEverything is survivable, except survival.
TerrorismA definition of terrorism presupposes the terrorism of definition.
TroubleshootingTroubleshooting n. The practice of injecting trouble intravenously, typically performed by trouble addicts.
TrustTrust me, I know what I'm officially not doing.
Virtual RealityGood virtual reality makes you forget you're virtually real.
Wrong Side of the TracksThe wrong side of the tracks is on top of them.
You Go Your WayYou go your way, and I'll go thine.
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